Southern Man Don’t Need Ann Coulter Around, Anyhow

Fans of Mitt “The Legacy” Romney are still smarting over his loss to Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich in the South Carolina Republican Primary on Saturday Night.

None more so than Conservative Authoress and Cable News Pundit Ann Coulter.  She has an explanation as to why Romney lost though, as Jeff Poor of  The Daily Caller reports:

Apparently, South Carolinians would rather have the emotional satisfaction of a snotty remark toward the president than to beat Obama in the fall,” Coulter, the author of “Demonic: How the Liberal Mob Is Endangering America,” said. “We saw it in the debates when Gingrich would say things that didn’t really make sense. That is what you usually associate with Democrats, which I described in my last book, ‘Demonic,’ how mobs behave.”

“Something that sounds like it makes sense like, ‘Mitt Romney doesn’t have influence over his super PAC — that makes you wonder if he’ll have influence as president,’” she continued. “How many times does Mitt Romney have to say it is illegal for a candidate to have influence on the super PAC. It is not, interestingly, though, for a president to have influence. So it makes no sense if you think about it for all of three seconds, but it sounds like it makes sense. It is just like what you get from liberals most of the time and the cheers and yahoos, and that is what we kept getting from this audience.”

Coulter, who has been a Romney supporter since New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie said he would not be seeking the Republican nomination, was asked if Romney should change his strategy now that he suffered a defeat in South Carolina, and perhaps go on the offensive with “fire in the belly.”

“No, he’s doing fine,” Coulter said. “This is not going be the electorate in the fall. I am pretty sure we’ll get everyone who voted for McCain — since no one voted for McCain because we liked McCain — it was to stop Obama. We have those voters. Now you have to get people who voted for Obama and having a candidate who goes out and calls Obama a ‘Kenyan colonialist,’ that is not what you need. And at the same time, with Newt Gingrich you get the name calling for the president — very popular with the tea party crowd in South Carolina, not so popular with independents. He won’t put a fence on the border and wants amnesty for illegals. He took $1.6 million from Freddie Mac. But you know, he attacked Paul Ryan’s plan on Social Security. So with Newt Gingrich, you throw out the baby and keep the bath water.”

Coulter suggested that South Carolina voters ignoring Gingrich’s marriage baggage was the product of the state perhaps “going back to its Democratic roots.”

“I think South Carolina is going back to its Democratic roots,” she said. “I mean, to not care about that, that’s the position of the Democratic Party. The arguments I hear on behalf of Gingrich on this is we heard for two solid years about Bill Clinton. I never thought I would hear conservative make those arguments. I promise you, if Mitt Romney or Rick Santorum have cheated on two wives — that we know, the open marriage thing is the only thing he contests, we know he cheated on two wives — I wouldn’t supporting Mitt Romney. I wouldn’t support Rick Santorum.”

Not to be presumptive, because I know, as an ig’nant Southerner, living in a NW Mississippi suburb of Memphis, TN, I’m not even near intelligent enough to be analyzing the brilliant words of a Beltway Darling like Ms. Coulter.

But I’ll give it a shot, anyway:

How dare you bunch of inbred hicks not vote for The Legacy.  Don’t you cousin-marrying imbeciles know that it’s his turn?  Sure, Newt actually stands up and speaks his mind, but Thurston B. Howell, err, I mean, Willard Mitt Romney, has bearing and eloquence.  Something you relatives of Larry the Cable Guy will never have.

And the Tea Party is a bunch of hicks, also.  Sure, the Republican Party owes its overwhelming victory in the Mid-terms to you, but we Elites up here in the Northeast Corridor will never acknowledge it.  And, by the way, keep your mouths shut concerning the president.  

How dare Newt speak what everybody else in the country is thinking!

You idiots are acting like a bunch of Democrats.  That’s what the GOP Establishment does!  

Err…I mean…how can you Christians possibly vote for somebody who has been divorced twice?  It’s like Christ preached forgiveness, or something.

Why can’t you be smart, like we are, in the Beltway?  Don’t you know that Reagan Conservatism is passe?  We need to pick a candidate for president who can reach across the aisle, a Moderate, err, I mean a “real” Republican who knows his place.  Umm, I mean, one who will sit in the Oval Office with grace and dignity.

Now, shuddup you stupid rednecks and let us geniuses up here in the Beltway tell you who to vote for.

Unfortunately, Miz Ann, it doesn’t work that way.  

You see, we average  Americans, here in Dixie, and folks in the rest of the Heartland, are fed up with you Vichy Republicans treating us like the hired help.  We stood by and watched you nominate the likes of Bob Dole and John McCain, the squishiest of squishes, then held our noses and dutifully voted for them.

Then, we watched you and your buddies, the Democrats, and their lackeys, the Main Stream Media, trash a good Christian American like Sarah Palin, to the point where her and her family said, “Enough of this mess”, which led to her dropping out of the Primary race.

Miz Ann, you need to go on Wheel of Fortune, buy a vowel and get a clue.  The South and rest of the Heartland will vote for whomever we want to, so go get your skinny self a sammich and stuff it.

Besides, why should we trust the judgment of someone who used to date Bill Maher, anyway?

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3 Responses to Southern Man Don’t Need Ann Coulter Around, Anyhow

  1. Barb says:

    I am livid today!! First, Ann Coulter insults all of So. Carolina for voting based on a snotty remark!! Then, our own dear Governor calling a fellow Republican an embarrassment! I am working so freaking hard for Newt now and I will thank them for giving me the fire in my belly!! I even have my husband calling Spanish voters.

  2. dloosend says:

    Ann Coulter’s mouth has been in Bill Maher’s crotch—need l say more.