Can’t Stand the Heat? Get Off the Dance Floor.

Last Saturday I called attention to Bernard McGuirk’s criticism of Chaz Bono’s performance on Dancing With the Stars as reminiscent of “Ralph Kramden doing the hucklebuck.” As the videos demonstrate with painful clarity, he’s correct: Chaz Bono looks even more preposterous on the dance floor than I do, impelling a great many people to wonder how Der Chazmeister survived so many elimination rounds when, by all rights, he should never have passed the initial audition.

The reason is obvious but not politically correct enough to call out in polite liberal conversation, which is why I’m just the man to call it out: the only reason Chaz Bono passed the first audition had nothing to do with his ability to dance (he’s too fat and uncoordinated) and everything to do with the fact that he’s a transgendered female-to-male (nee Chastity Bono), thereby enabling the producers of DWTS to polish their liberal sensitivity creds to a dazzling shine. From that point going forward, the shallow sympathy of the mental and cultural retards who faithfully follow this pointless dreck hopped into the driver seat and shifted into overdrive, keeping alive the Fat Kid’s prospects for winning far, far longer than he/she deserved.

Even then I wonder if the refusal of the audience to give Chaz an immediate escort to the stage door was less the product of sympathy and more of the base urge to watch a freak show. Like most carnival habitues, they stared for a while and then eventually grew bored. Unfortunately, the judges were not so much interested in the novelty of a transgendered dancer as they were of a transgendered dancer who could actually dance – and according to the accounts I have read, with each passing week their frustration with an audience determined to overlook this glaring defect was channeled toward poor Chaz:

Chaz Bono braved controversy to be the first transgender contestant on Dancing with the Stars, but he revealed in an interview today that it was jibes over his weight that troubled him the most.

But it wasn’t from ignorant, faceless haters that the 42-year-old faced these attacks, but rather from the show’s judges, whom Bono has blasted as ‘disrespectful.’

The only child of Cher, 65 , and the late Sonny Bono, told Good Morning America: ‘I was called a basketball, a penguin, an Ewok, and I just didn’t appreciate it.’

Bono, who was joined by dancing partner Lacey Schwimmer, 23 , for the interview said he felt particularly attacked by Bruno Tonioli, 55 , who compared him to the flightless bird.

He said: ‘If you want to critique my dancing and give me some constructive advice so I can try to improve the next time that I’m there, that would be great.’

‘But I don’t really know how to be less penguish, and so I kind of took offence to that.’

Good grief, what a crybaby. I would tell Chaz to man up, but for obvious reasons involving missing equipment, I can’t. But I can dispense some helpful advice. If you don’t want to be compared to a basketball, a penguin or an Ewok, then quit whining do two very simple things: lose weight and learn how to dance.

This entry was posted in Arts & Culture and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Can’t Stand the Heat? Get Off the Dance Floor.

  1. Barb says:

    I am an open minded person, but Chaz is not a man. I don’t care what he does with his life, good luck to him…but he is filling the part of a man, but he is not a man. He wants to be a man, that does not make him a man. Ya folla?

  2. firesign58 says:

    I’d rather watch Gov. Zeppelin on DTWS than “Chaz”tity Bono. And no, I don’t want to see The Guv dance, either.